Bad, Good, and Great - Sunday 8/15/10

I recently started a new blog called the DL Diaries. I realized after a few posts that I wasn't spending my time very wisely or productively. You see, Don broke up with me and in normal Teddy-fashion, I thought it was best to write about "our" life together. Essentially, to memorialize all of the stories, capture the love before it faded from my memory. Or maybe to receive some kind of acceptance of the breakup based on our story. What I have come to realize is that it is a waste of my time to reminisce over the time we shared. That time is obviously over. What I should be doing is learning to live my own life...not live through Don's experiences. So here it goes...


I was driving back from Fernandina today and all of "our" songs came on the radio. I found myself feeling down and blue. I felt this wave of loss come over me again. I haven't been able to stop it from occurring, but I have gotten better about pulling myself together and giving myself a pep talk. What I have realized in the 2 months since he spoke to me is that I wasn't living my life. I was only "living" my life based on what he was experiencing. If he got a job interview, he was positive and then so was I. When the job didn't materialize, he was down and then so was I. And when he finally got his job, he was over-the-top and then so was I. This has been a pattern during my adult life. I've only come to realize in the past month that I wasn't living the life I was supposed to live.


I am a survivor. I've been through more than my share. What I realized tonight was that I truly believe that the bad becomes good and the good becomes great. I just have to give it some time. I've heard a hundred times in the past couple of months, "When one door closes, another one opens." And I truly believe that. And another thing that I believe is that life presents you with a lesson that you must learn and if you don't learn the lesson, then you will be destined to experience the same lesson until you learn it.


So, here it is. Kris, your lesson is must learn to live your own life, not everyone else's around you. Quit giving in to the first man that says he loves you (because chances are he doesn't). Quit supporting their dreams and give up on your own. Quit finding happiness in other people and find happiness in yourself. Dare to dream. Dare to follow your dreams with conviction (the way you have supported everyone else's dreams). Most importantly, dare to live the life you want for yourself. Obviously, after 40+ years, no one is going to do it for you (even though you would do it for them). Decide what YOU want and find a way to get it. Take no prisoners. Go forth and conquer...


You have my permission.