Personality Tests Aren't Helping - Sunday 9/6/09

I haven't been in the mood to write in months. I'm a Libra and tend to be very sensitive and emotional, but the unusual thing is that if I get "too" emotional, I will sort of shut down. I need a way to escape and since the economy downturn, money is tight and I can't go on my road trips and experience the "little" things. So, I have sat here hiding...and it is driving me crazy!

I think I'm depressed. I know you didn't ask, but I have to get it out. If I don't, I'm going to continue to sit in this coccoon and wither away.

1) Work. Hasn't been going very good. Lately, I feel beat up on. Dejected. Frustrated. And, frankly, I'm not usually like that. Seriously. I'm usually the one that tends to be the life coach of the bunch and "cheer" everyone on. Give them the bright side; show them their worth; show them the bigger picture. But, lately. So, not happening.

2) Children. Still having a hard time getting over not having my children around. I know...you're probably saying, "Kris, you did your job. Your kids are grown. It's time for you..but I'm still struggling trying to get there. I really don't know what to do with ME. It's been 2 1/2 years and I'm still kinda sitting around waiting for my kids to call. I DO want to do things for me...but, somehow, I just can't seem to make myself get up and do it. I want to travel; but I don't. I want to take pictures; but I don't. I want to write; but I don't. I want to paint; but I don't. What the heck is wrong with me?

3) Death. There have been alot of highly publicized deaths in the news lately. Alot of the publicity surrrounds statements like, "She loved life" or "He loved living" or "She accomplished so much in life." What? I don't think I've done that, yet. I need to before it is too late.

4) Family. This tends to be a pretty sore subject. I've lived more years than I can count living on my own. Most people my age have their family surrounding them because they finally "got it." I get it..it's just that I've lived almost my entire adult life without family. Christmases happended without me. Labor Day happened without me. Easter happened without me. Yeah, just about every holiday and special occassion went on without me. So, what I learned is that I suppose I wasn't very important in the grand scheme of things. I am trying, now, but I really don't know how it will all work out.

5) Past. I still can't let go. However hard I try, I think I still am absorbed with the rejection.

This wasn't a whining session. I just needed to get my concerns out and maybe I can start fresh tomorrow. I love you all.

Midsummer Night's Dream (Not so much!) - Thursday, 4/16/09

I dream a lot! I can't help it, it runs in the family. When I say a lot, I don't mean I dream a lot..I mean that I can barely sustain a normal sleep pattern because I am ALWAYS dreaming. I wake up at least 3 times a night and I can usually remember at least 3 dreams a night. This one dream is a keeper. It's not necessarily the dream, but the conversation that followed the dream. Men are definitely from Mars!
Me: [touching DL's shoulder] Hon, I had a bad dream.
DL: Hmmmmmm?
Me: [touching a little harder] Hon, did you hear me?
DL: Uh-huuuuuuh.
Me: I had a nightmare.
DL: [No response]
Me: Did you hear me?
DL: Uh-huuuuuuh
Me: I had a dream that I cheated on you.
DL: Well, did you stop?
Me: Uh, I don't think so. We broke up.
DL: [Snoring again]
Me: [Seriously??????]

WAIT! What did he say? Did I stop? Come on girls, if your guy woke you up at 3:00am and stated matter-of-factly that he cheated on you with somebody else, what would you say? Would you actually say, "Well, did you stop?" I don't think we would say that! If my guy told me in a dead sleep that he dreamed that he was cheating on me, I believe the conversation would go something like this:

DL: [touching my shoulder] Sweetie, I had a bad dream.
Me: Uh-huuuuuuh
DL: I had a nightmare
Me: Did you?
DL: Yeah, I dreamed I cheated on you.
Me: [Turning the light on because we will be up for awhile] Really? What did you dream?
DL: Well...I dreamed that I cheated on you and you found out and we broke up.
Me: Really? Ummmm. What did she look like? Was she prettier than me? Are you trying to tell me something? She was a blonde, wasn't she? I knew it.
DL: Go back to sleep it was nothing.
Me: Nothing? Nothing? You're kidding, right?
DL: Yeah, it was nothing. It was just a dream.
Me: So...what you are telling me is that you dreaming of another woman is nothing? Is that what you're saying?
DL: [Thinking, damn, why did I say anything? Jesus Christ, it was just a dream}

Girls, am I completely crazy OR would you have a problem with this? In my opinion, men are from Mars, because if this happened to my girl friends, I don't believe it would be taken so lightly!!

Luckily, I haven't had this dream since. But, would DL really care? I don't think so.